Let's start with the most pressing issue on my mind. I'm fat. I don't give a shit about being "PC" or being too hard on myself. I am a fatty. I'm just going to come right out and say that after the bike ride I took last night with Bradley, I'd rather be fat than exercise. That's just where my brain is at. I know I'll be fine once I get back into the swing of things because I know how good I will look and feel. But try explaining that to my sore ass muscles today from being so tense riding on that tiny bike seat.
We are getting a Gold's Gym Express in our town that opens November 1st. Bradley is all about it, and I am pretty excited too. Except it's Fall, I can hide behind layers now, and I'm anticipating the McRib's return soon. I am not mentally prepared for this yet, and I need to be.
I just don't get why we have to worry about getting fat. We have so many other things to stress out about in this world. We have terrorism, West Nile Virus, endless poverty and unemployment. I mean shit, I can't even microwave the food that's making me fat in a plastic container without possibly getting cancer from it. Don't we have enough to worry about without being overly concerned with how much we weigh and how we look? Can't we all just enjoy a McRib together and forget about it for a while?
TV is also really stressing me out right now. During the week, I don't even have time to turn it on. DVR has single-handedly (Is that even a word, handedly? Did I make that up? I feel like that's a thing though, but my computer is telling me it's wrong?) ruined my life. There's so much pressure to watch all of my favorite shows, and because we have DirecTV, we can record five things at one time. We never have to worry about missing anything. The con to this is that, for someone like me who is OCD and crazy, I have to watch every single everything of my favorite shows or I feel like a failure. But if my % of free space is getting low, I get nervous and feel like I need to delete stuff.
These are the things my crazy brain worries about. These are seriously my first-world problems. God help me.
I am so addicted to RedBull right now that I would qualify for Intervention. Just the thought of going to work one morning without it gives me anxiety. I can't deal with people calling me all day without my wings so that I can fly away from the crazy. I need to invest in some Spark like all the cool blog kids, but I'm poor and scared of things I can't just buy from Wal-Mart.
I googled RedBull and found this. What kills me the most is how they typed out a separate letter in French. You just can't trust the French around RedBull I guess.
Speaking of cool blog kids, I know this is really stupid, but it's a little discouraging to see how all of you have like 500+ followers and I'm over here like, "At least Bradley reads my blog." I know I shouldn't measure the quality of my writing based on how many followers I have, because the followers I do have are amazing. I feel like I've forged such great relationships with all of you and I feel like I know you (not in a creepy way) and that we have this common ground together. But dammit, I wanna be popular too. I want Green Giant to contact me about eating green beans like they did Holly. I want people to go into a frenzy over my photoshopped Instagram pictures like Mama Laughlin.
I am also really tired of Comcast right now. We have our internet through them and they just sent me a bill for $51.99. Yes, $51.99 for ONE month of internet. Apparently our six month deal is over with. So I plan on contacting them and making someone wish they had called in from work that day.
For real though, $52 for one month of sub-par internet service? They are smoking RedBull out of crack pipes over there if they think I'm paying that a month.
Speaking of crack pipes, I'll let my old friend Whitney Houston explain what I'm going to tell them on the phone.
I'll just leave you with that for now. Sorry for hopping aboard the Crazy Train today. I feel much better already :)