Keepin' it Real: Encore

I had a structured blog post in mind today keeping with my theme of funny and silly story telling. But this week has really worn me down. Right now I need to bitch out all of my frustration with the world and keep it really real, yo.

Let's start with the most pressing issue on my mind. I'm fat. I don't give a shit about being "PC" or being too hard on myself. I am a fatty. I'm just going to come right out and say that after the bike ride I took last night with Bradley, I'd rather be fat than exercise. That's just where my brain is at. I know I'll be fine once I get back into the swing of things because I know how good I will look and feel. But try explaining that to my sore ass muscles today from being so tense riding on that tiny bike seat.

We are getting a Gold's Gym Express in our town that opens November 1st. Bradley is all about it, and I am pretty excited too. Except it's Fall, I can hide behind layers now, and I'm anticipating the McRib's return soon. I am not mentally prepared for this yet, and I need to be.

I just don't get why we have to worry about getting fat. We have so many other things to stress out about in this world. We have terrorism, West Nile Virus, endless poverty and unemployment. I mean shit, I can't even microwave the food that's making me fat in a plastic container without possibly getting cancer from it. Don't we have enough to worry about without being overly concerned with how much we weigh and how we look? Can't we all just enjoy a McRib together and forget about it for a while?

TV is also really stressing me out right now. During the week, I don't even have time to turn it on. DVR has single-handedly (Is that even a word, handedly? Did I make that up? I feel like that's a thing though, but my computer is telling me it's wrong?) ruined my life. There's so much pressure to watch all of my favorite shows, and because we have DirecTV, we can record five things at one time. We never have to worry about missing anything. The con to this is that, for someone like me who is OCD and crazy, I have to watch every single everything of my favorite shows or I feel like a failure. But if my % of free space is getting low, I get nervous and feel like I need to delete stuff.

These are the things my crazy brain worries about. These are seriously my first-world problems. God help me.

I am so addicted to RedBull right now that I would qualify for Intervention. Just the thought of going to work one morning without it gives me anxiety. I can't deal with people calling me all day without my wings so that I can fly away from the crazy. I need to invest in some Spark like all the cool blog kids, but I'm poor and scared of things I can't just buy from Wal-Mart.

I googled RedBull and found this. What kills me the most is how they typed out a separate letter in French. You just can't trust the French around RedBull I guess.

Speaking of cool blog kids, I know this is really stupid, but it's a little discouraging to see how all of you have like 500+ followers and I'm over here like, "At least Bradley reads my blog." I know I shouldn't measure the quality of my writing based on how many followers I have, because the followers I do have are amazing. I feel like I've forged such great relationships with all of you and I feel like I know you (not in a creepy way) and that we have this common ground together. But dammit, I wanna be popular too. I want Green Giant to contact me about eating green beans like they did Holly. I want people to go into a frenzy over my photoshopped Instagram pictures like Mama Laughlin.

Is that so much to ask? I know I'm being shallow and silly right now. But I'm feeling really fat today and I'm craving some cookie dough ice cream like a mother. Let me cry about not being cool if I want to.

I am also really tired of Comcast right now. We have our internet through them and they just sent me a bill for $51.99. Yes, $51.99 for ONE month of internet. Apparently our six month deal is over with. So I plan on contacting them and making someone wish they had called in from work that day.

For real though, $52 for one month of sub-par internet service? They are smoking RedBull out of crack pipes over there if they think I'm paying that a month.

Speaking of crack pipes, I'll let my old friend Whitney Houston explain what I'm going to tell them on the phone.

I'll just leave you with that for now. Sorry for hopping aboard the Crazy Train today.  I feel much better already :)


  1. I don't know about your Internet company, but mine allows me to call up and ask to speak to their promotions department or customer loyalty department and I (usually) get an employee who signs me back up with the new customer rates. I can usually get them for year contracts and call up every year near the end of my contract to sign up for another promotional package. Just thought I'd mention it if it helps :)

  2. PREACH on the weight loss. Why does it have to be so hard??? I read your blog and I love it! I think you're doing great! It took me forever to get to 100 followers. It just takes time I think, unless you have tons of $$$ to throw at it, but in my opinion, buying followers isn't the way to go because you want readers, not just followers. You are funny and smart, it will happen for you :)

  3. I called comcast yesterday with the same plan. But i bitched out and somehow they convinced me I have a great deal already. I tried!!

  4. I love this blog! Just throwing that out there. I'm glad that Holly got you on the blog bandwagon!

  5. Girl...you are hilarious. I don't know why we all just don't sit around and eat a damn McRib together either.

    Btw....I have been blogging for over three years (terrible at it I might add) and just broke 100 followers last month (I think my mom though is 98 of those accounts). You are rocking it and I am always so jealous of your popularity. :)

    Also, I loved your love story this week. It really had me laughing at Bradley and how sometimes we find the silliest things in guys to be the most endearing. My husband waddles when he walks (for real) and I find it to be incredibly endearing.

  6. Everyone needs a good bitch fest! Like like everyone else here I also think you're hilarious!

    I started a blog last week and I almost shit my pants when I had 33 page views..although, 31 of those are probably my friend Kelsey.

    As for shitty internet/tv providers, we have dish and apparently our 10 month deal is over...I almost killed someone when I got the bill. I finally won the month long fight with them and convinced them to let me cancel our account for no fee! woohoo

  7. That Whitney Houston clip is one of my all time favorites! We cut our cable cord back in April and I swear to you, I feel like I can finally relax in my own home. I was the exact same way with the DVR. It becomes "Fill the DVR with ALL the shows!" and then you are like "I have to clear my queue...I HAVE TO CLEAR SOME SPACE IN THIS MOTHER EFFING QUEUE!!!!" So much crap that I did not even really care about causing so much stress. We do Neflix, Hulu, and Amazon on the XBox and the only time I miss having cable is when I have to wait until the next day to watch a current show. However, when do you actually watch TV live now? Rarely!

  8. Bradley's not the only one that reads your blog!! I found your blog through Holly's and so glad I did! your posts crack me up :)
    Chin up, buttercup!! ;)

  9. Big ol' vent sesh girl, get it!!

    Didn't you just start blogging?! Keep at it and I promise the followers will come and the offers for goodies will come... it just takes time!

    Be careful with the Red Bull... seriously, I know someone that died after drinking it! :0 Probably a story that's better suited for e-mail though :)

    Hope today is a better day for you! Chin up buttercup!

  10. $52 is INSANE. Of course, I pay $185 a month for Cable, the stress inducing DVR, Internet, and phone. And my phone is only $4.99 a month.

    I'm with you on the weight loss. Trying to lose weight in the Fall and Winter is HARD. Who cares when you can just throw on a sweatshirt and call it good?

  11. You're hilarious..."They are smoking RedBull out of crack pipes over there if they think I'm paying that a month." And, I also feel the same way sometimes about the number of blog followers I have. I just wanna be cool!

  12. Dear Kayla, my one and ONLY blog follower..no whining about your reader numbers...unless the 10 people who have commented before me are paid then you proof that you are a super popular gal. ;)

    I completely understand the DVR thing---we were SLAVES to ours and then suddenly got too cheap and got rid of satellite and cable all together (are you hyperventilating?)...now we just watch Dvd's or download stuff...and only pay like $30 for internet. Just get cheap--it'll make you do crazy things that you did not even know was possible! I did not think that I could live a life without HGTV and although it is empty and without colour I am surviving...;)

    You crack me up...hope the venting was therapeutic!

  13. I cancelled our Tivo DVR and cable TV ... we live on Netflix, Amazon and PlayOn/PlayLater (like a computer DVR, you can find almost everything online, stream to my Roku) ... of course we DO still need Comcast for internet. Our wireless has been so bad these last few days though.

    I'm pretty new to the blogging world too, I'm sure you have more followers than me! *Ü*

  14. it took me a year to get to the number of followers you have so go eat your mcrib somewhere else.

    And how can you be addicted to red bull. I just do not understand its appeal, but i'm a hippy tea drinker.

    PS threaten to leave your internet provider and say another company is advertising the same price as your old deal. It worked for me.

  15. ALL ABOARD! Next stop: ME!

    Mt. Dew is to me what Red Bull is to you. I need at least one a day...that's an improvement. It was ALL I would even consider drinking.

    Girl, I'm the same about TV! Most shows I either have to commit to watching them all (IN ORDER) or decide whether it's a show that I can afford to not obsess over but still love. LOL. And I still have seasons of things and movies (all of which have been watched already) that I'm all, "I don't know if I'm ready to delete them yet, what if I want to watch them again." -_- lol But shit, with that fall TV schedule I posted today, I'm gonna have to clean mine out. yikes!

    I half agree with you about being fat. Sometime I'm just like WHYYY BOTHER?! But, the best way for me to think about it is healthy...I wanna be even more healthy! Join Erin's Facebook group for motivation! She'll send you an invite!

    And HELLO Miss 79 Followers! Have you met me, Miss 31 Followers?! Pffttt. I wanna be a cool kid too!!!

    We can curl up and you can have your cookie dough ice cream & I'll have my ben & jerry's Half Baked and we'll pout and watch RHOC reruns that are happy tucked away on DVR and bitch about everything.


    1. Hey Girl!

      I look forward to your blog posts every single day. I am so anxious to get home and see what cool and funny shit you posted, it's probably borderline stalking.

      I'm with you on the fatty thing. I was doing so good at first, but it is SO HARD. I think my problem is that I just don't have the willpower that everyone else does. I am such a strong and stubborn person in every other aspect in my life, so I ask myself why this can't be one of them. It's frustrating.

      And um, hello...on the followers. I have 2. You and Holly. But you 2 are the only ones I care about anyway, haha!

      Chin up girl!!


  16. I'm right there with you with the whole being fat vs. not thing. I'm actually committing myself to the month of October of getting up early (before work) to go work out. We'll see how THAT goes!

  17. AHHHHH You crack my shit up. KISS MY ASS.