9.24.2013

The Greatest Love Story of All of the Times Part 1

So, by now you all know about my Bradley. He's my future husband, my best friend, and the biggest thorn in my side. I couldn't live a day without him and his copious amounts of laundry. Plus, the couch cushion that is permanently indented from his ass would miss him a lot too.


But how did this love story come to be you ask?

Did we meet each others glances in a crowded room at a dinner party?

Maybe we met in the rain and shared a taxi that delivered us to paradise?

Was this some sort of match.com type of arrangement?

Better!

What our story lacks in romance, it makes up for in awkwardness. A lot of it. Because anything involving Bradley "Socially Awkward" Glover is, well, awkward. Our relationship was basically founded on Bradley screwing up multiple times in the worst way possible, and me being too crazy about him to care. This is a consistently occurring theme to this very day.

See, all throughout grade school, junior high, and high school I had known of the Glover's. I didn't know Holly, Bradley, or Noel personally, as we were all in different grades. But I knew who they were simply because we all attended the same schools.

At the time that we met, I had just switched from working second shift for my sister as her nanny to first shift. My brother-in-law took a new job, so the change in my work schedule allowed me to finally be able to go out with my friends in the evenings and on the weekends.

Because I was the skinniest and sexiest that I'd been in my whole life, partnered with being single for almost a year, I was all about going out and having a great time. I wasn't really looking for a relationship though. In fact, I was happy with the idea of finishing school, establishing myself, and then eventually finding a sperm donor and having kids alone. This was honestly my plan and I was really content with it.

One night I met one of my best friends, Bethany, at the bar for some drinks. Her boyfriend (future husband) Shawn was there as well with one of his friends and they were seated at a table behind us. I knew his friend's name was Brad, but other than that, I really didn't think much of him at the time.

At one point he got up to go to the bathroom and I noticed he had this great big booty. I'm talking, you could bounce a quarter off that thing. I love a man with a big butt, and I remember thinking to myself, "Dayum!" I was totally willing to look past the fact that he was wearing a Hurley t-shirt and RVCA hat for dat ass.

We eventually ended up leaving and heading to another bar where Bradley and I talked for the first time. He was pretty drunk and he kept telling me to add him on Facebook. He also mentioned a few dozen times that he was a "supervisor" and interjected this into the conversation whenever possible. When he stepped on and scuffed up my suede boots, I was a little annoyed with him and called it a night.

The next weekend I was out with Bethany and Shawn and a couple of our other friends. Somehow Bradley got brought up and Shawn was like, "Yeah Brad has a thing for you." The fat girl in me replied with a "Really?!?" My friend Megan interjected with a, "You didn't know that? Everyone knows that." Needless to say, I was feeling pretty bad ass at this point. He was super cute, he had a great booty, and he made me laugh a lot despite being a Hurley shirt wearing supervisor who steps on people's expensive boots.

This particular night also happened to be Bethany's little brother's 21st birthday. So we went to a couple of different bars, and Bradley eventually met us out after work. He and I spent a good part of the night talking. A lot of it was exchanging stories about our nieces and nephews, and how he loves UFC and sports in general. I  just remember thinking he had the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. I was smitten.

However, things started to turn a little ugly. Bradley can be a sloppy drunk. He was all over me in the worst way and being all touchy-feely, which is totally not my style. At one point he had me pinned up against a pool table trying to kiss me which I was not having. My milkshake is not for free.

After a couple of hours of him trying to get fresh, we went back to our friend's parent's bar where we hung out after hours a little longer. Bradley definitely needed cut off by this time because he was all over the place. At one point he even stole my phone and updated my Facebook status to say "I like to poop." How original. After getting my phone back and having to turn him down several more times, I'd had enough and left around 3am.

As I was leaving, he walked me out and said "My phone is dead, how will I get your number?" Being a little annoyed with him I said, "Do you have Bethany's?" He looked at me like I had 10 heads. "Yeah?" I just gave him a blank stare. Clearly he didn't get the memo on working for it. So I looked at him and said "Okay well figure it out!" And went on my way.

The next night he sent me a text and we started casually talking for a couple of days. He was working second shift at the time and so at night when we would talk he would be at work. One night, I had sent him a text and then planned on going to dinner with my sister. Since he hadn't responded yet I sent him another telling him that I was sorry for bothering him and that he didn't have to keep texting me back if he was busy because I was going to dinner anyway. I get a text maybe an hour later from him saying "Yeah and she keeps blowing up my phone and shit. Like for real, I told her I was at work, wtf?"

Being the genius that he is, he sent me a text that he meant to send Shawn. This would eventually become a habit for him. He is always easily confused.

So I sent him a text back saying, "HAHAHAHAHAHA" And then I heard nothing from him for a few hours. When he did finally put his tail between his legs and respond he said, "Sorry that was meant for someone else. I take it you hate me." To which I replied, "Should I?"

It would be another week before we spoke again. This has also become a pattern in our relationship to this day. He screws up and then waits for me to make it right again. So predictable.

The following weekend was my friend Megan's graduation from college. So to celebrate, we went out on a bar crawl of sorts and had a really great time. To be honest, I really didn't put much thought into Bradley that week. He was clearly the type to make up and exaggerate stories to his friends to try to sound cool, when in reality it could not be further from the truth. Typical male characteristic. In my mind, it was his loss. Though secretly, I was hoping we might bump into each other.

We did end up meeting at a bar towards the end of the night and I pretty much ignored him. I wasn't worried about giving him the time of day. As I sat at the bar talking to my friends, he came and sat beside me. Knowing he was there, I wouldn't turn around to look at him. He kept saying my name and trying to get my attention but I wasn't really having it. So finally he grabbed my bar stool and spun me around to face him. I can still picture in my head the look he had on his face. It was this smirk I would come to know very, very well. He knew that whatever he said, I was going to buy into. He knew I was just playing a little hard to get. He knew he was going to win.



Bethany and I the night I decided to give BGlove a second chance

I'll leave you with that little cliff hanger until tomorrow. The second half of this story is really good and I want to be able to do it justice without making this post seem like a novel.

I promise you, it only gets better :)


8 comments:

  1. Is it ok if I punch him in the face for sending that text meant for Shawn?! Not ok Bradley, NOT OK! He better make this up to me in tomorrow's post! ;)

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  2. Oh, boy! Sometimes the best love stories start out a little rough. Men. ;) Excited to "hear" the rest!

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  3. Sounds a lot like me and my guy. But we are still going strong 14 yrs later!

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  4. Oh lord...boys and not knowing how to use their toys....lol. Girl I can't wait till tomorrow. You suck. LOL

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  5. I love it!!! I would have torn a strip off him for that wrong text!!
    And I LOVE your hair!! So, so jealous!

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  6. I have never heard this story before and I am dying. It would have been OVER after that text. That little asshole. :)

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  7. Typical guy move!! But sweet story in a not so sweet way :)

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  8. *le sigh* Awkwardly perfect! I'm loving the part where you hadn't yet realized he had the hots for you. My inner fat girl was cheering your inner fat girl on. Heeeeeeyyyy ooooohhhhh.
    And though I've never seen an actual photo of Brad's butt your literary skills poignantly painted the image for me. I dub you, hence forth, Sir Mixalot.

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