10.03.2013

O-oh-O-oh-Oprah!

You are a liar if you say you don't love Oprah. Plain and simple. She is the HBIC (Head Bitch in Charge) of the world and we all should bow down to her O-ness.

If I could be one person in the world, it would be Oprah. She's a freakin' billionaire for starters, which is obviously my favorite reason why I want to be her. But she can also pretty much do and say whatever the hell she wants to and she gets away with it because she's OoooopppRRRahhHHH (said in my best Oprah voice).

Let's just break down a few reasons why I absolutely love Oprah, shall we?

We shall!

1. She is unafraid to rock an edgy or trendy hairstyle. Oprah is known for her hair choices, both poor and well, really poor. She can do whatever she wants and gets away with it because she's Oprah. Remember the time she wore Tina Turner's wig for a good solid month, went on tour with her, and even thought at one point she was Tina's understudy?



This was probably my favorite bad hair phase for Oprah. In fact, probably my favorite awkward phase for Oprah in general. She should have been happy she is Oprah, and not tryin' to be all like TiInNNnAA TUUrrRRrNnerRr.

2. Be honest, we were all more than excited when Oprah had a musical performance on her show. Nothing made my day quite like watching her clap off-beat, dance awkwardly, and sing the wrong words front and center in the audience.


Remember when she even attempted to sing her own theme song? I know it was terrible, but all I can remember is the beginning when she would say "Here we go" and I would think to myself, "Great. Here we go again."

Thank God they cut that shiz way down in the editing room a few weeks in so we didn't have to suffer anymore before our afternoon Oprah fix.

3. Oprah is known for giving out free stuff. I would go to bed at night and pray that God would make it so that I could be in her audience for her Favorite Things show. It was my Mecca. I haven't given up hope that she will revive it someday and I will get to be there. I desperately want to be that person in the audience that the camera keeps cutting to who is just losing her mind in every way possible. I will ugly cry like it is my job.


This guy is my all-time favorite. His reaction sums up the entire experience. I watch this and I just hear him screaming in his head, "THANK YOU JESUS!"


4. Speaking of ugly crying, Oprah is the Queen of the full-out Ugly Cry. I'm not pretending like I am the prettiest crier in the world. I can UC with the best of them. But there is something about Oprah's ugly cry face that just conveys so many emotions. It's a cross between sadness, devastation, and I even detect a hint of hunger, but maybe that's just me. Either way, it's not pretty, but it's perfect to me.



I also love the moment when Mary Tyler Moore surprised Oprah and she freaked out hardcore. I've never had Mary Tyler Moore surprise me before, but my reaction to the return of the McRib is very similar to this.



5. I know there are some haters out there that want to put O down, and who might have some negative opinions about her. I'm sure to an extent you're probably right. She does come off as a little snobbish sometimes, maybe a little self-righteous, and somewhat of a know-it-all. If you were a self-made billionaire with one of the most popular and longest running talk shows of all time, wouldn't you be?

Get real. You would.

So she's allowed to be whatever she wants. Because she's done a lot for society, and she's started a lot of dialogues that wouldn't have even been mentioned if it weren't for her.

I always think of this episode where she had this Father and his son and daughter on because his wife, their mother, had abandoned them. Watching this little boy talk about how it felt to have his mother leave him and not call or come back, watching him cry, hearing the pain in his voice, kills me to this day. And as he sat on that couch and started to cry, Oprah went over and sat next to him and held him, and she cried as well.  That was one of the most genuine, heartfelt, and heartbreaking moments I've ever watched on The Oprah Show.

That's why I watch. Because she brings out the humanity in people, and it brings out the humanity in her. And we can all sit and watch and relate, and it changes us. Maybe we didn't realize it at the time, or maybe we did and we still think about it to this day. Kind of like myself. But it's there.

That's the real reason I love Oprah. She's helped change the way we think and the way we talk about what we think. Oprah is the Queen, and if you don't like it, deal with it.





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